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When I lived in British Columbia from 1999-2002, I met a wonderful friend through work. Liisa worked at another university, and I knew from the moment I met her that there was something very special about her. She has such an incredible spirit, and offer an extraordinary energy to those around her, that I feel lucky to now call her a friend, even though we connect only through virtual means. We have reconnected via Facebook, and as a reader of this blog, she is a wonderful support to me in my transformation. Having the support of wonderful friends who read my story is such a powerful and important part of this experience for me — so much so that I really want to make sure what I’m putting out here is meaningful, and thought provoking, and dare I say, even a bit inspiring for me and you both! But I’ve been struggling a bit in the past week with what to write about. I’ve got lots of ‘noise’ going on in my head these days, and I don’t have much clarity about things. So, I began to wonder what I should post on my blog. And then I came upon this note on Liisa’s Facebook profile. Today, she offered a piece from a book she is reading that I wanted to share with you. It’s from a book called Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser. This passage makes a lot of sense to me. And in some ways, it captures, much more eloquently, just a fraction of the ‘noise’ that I’ve got going on inside. So, I offer it to my readers with the hope that it resonates or illuminates something within you. Thanks for sharing it with me, Liisa.

Kia Kaha.
Stay strong.

Click to check out the passage at The Second Coming of Chris

so it’s been like a year since i posted here. in that time i got down to my lowest weight ever (317), had an awful week where i worked harder than i ever have and didn’t lose a pound, and subsequently quit the whole thing. i lost my personal trainer/dietitian, and gained over 30 pounds… all in about six-eight months.

also in that time, i became unemployed (still am), and am quickly running out of ways to pay bills. i can’t find a job to save my life, and my wife is working as much as she can at her two jobs to try and make ends meet. additionally, we’re trying to sell our house, but every time we get close something happens and the whole thing falls through.

in the midst of all that, we’ve decided to start trying to live a healthy lifestyle again.

wait, what?!

yeah.

here’s the thing… in arguably the most uncertain times my wife and i have ever faced in our lives, there are very few things we seem to have any control over. two of those things, is what we put into our body, and how we treat our body. being honest, dieting is the only thing i feel like we have control over right now, so we’re going to stick to it like a fat kid on cake (pun intended).

we don’t have anything fancy this time… no gym, no trainer, no dietitian… we have a DVD player and a library with a load of workout DVD’s, a treadmill someone was kind enough to give us, and some resistance bands. we’re going to make it work. we started eating healthy again on tuesday, counting every calorie that goes in, measuring every single piece of food. today i started working out again, time on the treadmill, pushups, wall squats and planks to be precise.

and really, it just feels good to have something solid in our lives right now.

My wife and I made some tough decisions this week. We have to truly cut expenses and anything that is not truly necessary. This meant the farmer’s co-op will make it’s last delivery next Tuesday. We had been throwing some food away because it was too much and we’ve been going out too much also.

After some further discussion, we realized that we had not been getting much out of the Weight-Watchers program, but not to fault the program, only our commitment to it. Since we have not mde any progress in the last several months, we decided that money could best be used to pay off some of our other debts. Therefore, the last Tuesday meeting before Memorial Day weekend will be our last meeting for a while.

We know that it will be very difficult to keep losing without the program, but we have the materials, the knowledge, and the experience of having lost weight. We also know that we have to cut out the restaurant trips (breakfast, lunch and dinner). This means we’ll be cooking at home, and we definitely cook healthier than we consume eating out. In this case, we may actually do better at weight loss by cutting back all of our spending.

So what does this mean for the weekly weigh-ins? Well, that’s where our Wii Fit will come in. It is the most trust-worthy scale we have in the house. Plus, it may encourage us to work out more on it.

Though it seems we’re losing so much by dropping Weight-Watchers, I think the pluses outweigh the minuses right now. We’ll really miss our friends there, but we’ll keep in touch as much as possible and get back to the meetings when we get our lives back in order.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 272.4 lb
(two weeks ago)
Current weight: 275.0 lb
Current loss/gain: +2.6 lb
Total loss/gain: -44.0 lb
Distance to 60: 16.0 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 25.0 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

Aaaaand… we’re back.

So I wasn’t actually on any Spring Break (it’s been 17 years since I’ve ever taken one), but I just wasn’t feeling my oats last week. Sure, I had not done any running the week after my half-marathon and gained 1.4 pounds. This week, I got in a couple of runs and a few walks with my lovely wife and only gained 0.6 pounds.

I’m gearing up for some serious losing though. I’m going to increase the frequency and length of my runs. I’ve got an image to maintain. After all, my WW leader now refers to me as one of her “athletes”. I have NEVER had anyone use the word athlete in reference to me except when saying “athlete’s foot”. I’ve still got people asking when my next run is. Some asked me today if I did a race this past weekend!

It is rather humbling that people now expect so much out of me when they used to expect so little (and got it every time). Now I need to deliver.

I had also been bad about my eating. However, that’s no news. We’ve been letting too much of our farmer’s co-op go bad each week and it’s gotten worse in the last few months. Time to break this cycle and get to using that stuff.

I tried one of the kiwi tonight. We have three small bags of them and neither of us has touched them. Am I supposed to eat the fuzzy skin? I’ve only ever seen people eat them in slices after peeled. So I peeled one and ate it like a hard boiled egg… and it was VERY good. I’ve got a new work snack as I’m getting somewhat tired of apples (oh, what? another bag of apples this week? sigh).

I still haven’t posted anything about my half-marathon. I will very soon. I need to get that down before I forget some very special memories.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 269.4 lb
(two weeks ago)
Current weight: 271.4 lb
Current loss/gain: +2.0 lb
Total loss/gain: -48.0 lb
Distance to 60: 12.0 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 21.0 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

Will (occasional FatBlogger) over at 4XLT made a post that I could have written if I were of a mind to… and I wanted to be honest. 

Go over there and take a look…

the hook…

But here I am, looking objectively at the how’s and why’s of my life, and I come to the angering realization that there is nothing in my life since I lost 100 pounds back in August that shows I really care. And that really, really pisses me off.

I love my Wii Fit, but I’ve got to stop weighing myself on it on Sundays. Other than Tuesday/Wednesday nights when I weigh myself on it, that’s the only other day. I got overconfident when the durn thing told me I’d lost 7.5 pounds since my last weighin on it. Granted, it was after my 9.3 mile run on Sunday and all I had had so far that day was 1 Kashi bar and a 32oz Gatorade. I should have waited until that evening to weigh myself on it as I normally would.

So I weigh-in on the scale at Weight-Watchers and I’ve gained 1.6 pounds. I’m not sure if I gained all that in the last couple of days, but I was being very lax in my food choices due to that 7.5 loss. I also drank a ton more water these last few days due to a gout attack that started up Sunday evening (most likely flared up by the run and not having enough water afterwards).

I’m glad I got in the run though. I completed it in 1hr 56min. This gave me a good idea of how long I would take to do the 13.1 miles this coming Sunday. Though they have a time limit of 4 hours for the race, I’m certain I can complete it at around 3 hours. I plan on making that time my goal.

I also need to track again. I’m not tracking my food intake and it is getting out of hand. Tracking begins tomorrow once again. It works, if I can just make myself do it. The weekend tends to always derail me.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 269.8 lb
Current weight: 271.4 lb
Current loss/gain: +1.6 lb
Total loss/gain: -47.6 lb
Distance to 60: 12.4 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 21.4 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

Well, it could have been much worse, but I only gained 0.6 pounds this week. I did many things right, and some things wrong and some good things contributed to the bad.

First off, I got in two runs this week. The total of the two was just shy of 10 miles (9.96) with the 1st run on Wednesday being 3.80 miles and the 2nd run on Sunday being 6.16 miles. I was using the extra time on Sunday to start ramping up for the half marathon that is only two weeks away. I completed the run on Sunday with a time of 1hr 12min. Considering that the time limit for the half marathon is 4 hours, I’m sure I can finish in the allotted time (in fact, I’m certain I could do it in 3 hours).

However, I had said some things contributed to the bad. I ended up having a sore ankle on Monday that was feeling like the beginning of another gout attack. I knew I had not consumed enough liquids after the run and it bit me.

So I spent Monday at home and that was not good. Since I wasn’t going to be doing any exercise due to the ankle, I was just going to sit/lie around and pretty soon I was eating. At first it was within tolerable limits, but then stuff just started sounding so good. I showed little self-control and I know that showed on the scale.

I did do quite a bit of good this week and, for the most part, stuck to my points limits. It just all fell apart on Monday (plus I knew I had been doing good and had excused myself to eat more on Monday).

I’m going to be careful and try to get in a few more good solid runs (probably a few with interval training during the work week and another long run on Sunday). I don’t want to have a gout attack keep me from my first half marathon (never mind that it cost me $60 to sign up and I don’t want to waste that either). I’ve got to play safe.

Plus today was farmer’s co-op day, meaning we now have a ton of fruits and veggies to eat up and we have too much leftover from the last one. We’ve been eating out too much and so we gotta put the brakes to that for the next few weeks. Other than eating out on weigh-in night due to the time constraints, I think we’ll save the half-marathon day for a little celebrating. WHEN I finish it (not IF).

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 269.2 lb
Current weight: 269.8 lb
Current loss/gain: +0.6 lb
Total loss/gain: -49.2 lb
Distance to 60: 10.8 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 19.8 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

I had a good week, not a great week. I only got two responses to my last post asking what I should do about having done nothing of my required list items to avoid the challenge punishment. They were both encouraging responses and I appreciated them very much.

However, I then went through another week of not doing program. I didn’t track. I didn’t stick to my points (I thought, but I still lost, so maybe I did). I didn’t get in three runs (just one). I… I…

Yeah. *I* didn’t do a lot of things. I didn’t take care of myself. I was in a semi-depressed mode all week. This past Sunday was “Geek Sunday” when I hang out with my friends and play D&D and enjoy the camaraderie. I didn’t though. I feel more disconnected from my friends each time we meet. I feel as though I’m only there to be a target of ridicule and jokes, they’re token straight-man.

I know I sound really upset. I’m not really, but I think I’ve made some poor choices, not in just food, but in what I do with my time. I waste SO much of my personal time. I waste so much time in general. I almost didn’t want to post this week only because I have a very strong procrastination gene and I have to fight it sometimes just to put up my weekly numbers.

Here are some bright spots.

• I did my first lunch time workout in over eight months. I need to augment my running program with other stuff to continue losing weight, but not impact my running.
• I signed up for a half-marathon. A HALF MARATHON. What the heck was I thinking? I’ve done the math several times and I know I can finish it in the allotted four hours in order to receive the finishers medal. In case you’re wondering where and when: http://www.rocktovictory.com/
• I had a good performance review at work and should find out what, if any, is my merit increase for this year. Heck, I’m still employed and that’s more than enough (but a little more money is always nice).
• In spite of all I didn’t do right this week, I lost 2.4 pounds. I’m still making better decisions.

I’ll get through this. Maybe having the half-marathon ahead will help me focus my energy on something else other than my (somewhat regular) pity party. I’m going to track this week. Time to get back on that too.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 271.6 lb
Current weight: 269.2 lb
Current loss/gain: -2.4 lb
Total loss/gain: -49.8 lb
Distance to 60: 10.2 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 19.2 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

I fell flat on my face this week, figuratively. I had a really rough week at work thanks to extra work created by a database corruption that left me being about four days behind on my workload. That helped me none as far as the stress and the associated consumption.

I also ate poorly over the weekend, I only got in two runs, I didn’t do any tracking, I know I exceeded my points. I did everything wrong this week and virtually wiped out my loss of last week. I’m ashamed of myself. I know what works and what doesn’t work and I let my own weaknesses take control this week. I just have to get back on my feet and keep on truckin’.

I was so hoping for a better week. I’m posting my first progress pics in nearly 9 months and wanted them to show progress (I haven’t had them taken yet, so I don’t know if they do or not). I’m gonna keep going because I have a goal in mind and I only want to keep moving forward. The only way to do that is to keep going.

Oh, and what of the challenge? I don’t know. I want to give myself an immediate out and say that this week was completely unscripted (honestly, the stress of this would not have been there had it not been for a complete database failure). However, aren’t all weeks unscripted? So I leave the decision up to you guys. Do you feel I should face the challenge or that I get an excused absence?

Update:
I’ve posted my latest photos on my personal site.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 264.4 lb
Current weight: 271.6 lb
Current loss/gain: +7.2 lb
Total loss/gain: -47.4 lb
Distance to 60: 12.6 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 21.6 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com

Okay, let’s go through the checklist:

• Track everything I eat. Check
• Calculate the points for everything I eat. Check
• Stay within my points for the entire week. Check
• Get in at least three runs. Check
• Get in a non-run workout. Check
• Report to you after my weigh-in. Check

Ya know… after all the times I’ve heard people who come back to Weight-Watchers because the know the program works, I had to own up to the leader the very same thing.

In spite of all appearances to be “doing Weight-Watchers”, I wasn’t. I was tracking food. I was calculating points. I was doing workouts. I was tracking activity points. However, I was not staying within my daily target. Essentially, I was doing everything but the program. It doesn’t work if you still eat too much and don’t limit intake. If you choose bad foods over healthy, filling ones.

So, when she asked for “celebrations”, I had to stick up my hand. Not to brag, but to admit that I was finally back ON PROGRAM.

I felt bad about the gasps I heard when I announced I had lost 8.4 pounds this week. Naturally, for many, that was what to expect from someone who had just completed their first or second week and the program was being followed religiously. In fact, this was “week one” of me being back on program.

This means I’m sticking to my goals as listed in last week’s weigh-in. The challenge will continue until morale improves.

This is also a new record for me as the most I’ve lost and I’m only 0.4 pounds away from earning another 5 pound star for myself. I’m 14.4 pounds away from my doctor’s recommended weight… my personal goal is another 31 pounds after that. I hope that next week, I’ve earned that 5 pound star that says I’ve lost 55 pounds.

I want to thank everyone who has been encouraging me and my lovely wife who is on this journey with me.

Starting weight: 319.0 lb
Previous weight: 272.8 lb
Current weight: 264.4 lb
Current loss/gain: -8.4 lb
Total loss/gain: -54.4 lb
Distance to 60: 5.6 lb
Distance to Doctor’s WW Goal: 14.4 lb

Cross-posted to WebCudgel.com