Good morning to all and to all a good morning. I have received a couple of emails describing a fear that is not talked about often. It is a fear of reaching goal, of looking thin and sexy and lean and happy. Why would this be a fear you ask? Well, that is what I am leaping into today. Why would a person be scared to reach goal and finally be thin.
First off, I want to say that people have fears for different reasons. For a person without a particular fear, it may seem irrational from the outside when they are talking to a person about fears. All the same, fears are real to each person. They invoke real emotions and real avoidant behaviors. Ok, with that said, I hope that we can all have some empathy when it comes to this fear whether it is a fear you have or not.
What are some of the reasons why a person might fear becoming the person that they want to be (A thin and healthy person). Here is a random sampling of my own fears:
When I was fat, I was afraid of not having my “fat” excuse on my side anymore. For so many years I had my fat problem to hide behind. I thought that if I lost all the weight I would have to start saying YES to life. I would have to start saying yes to going hiking, or walking, or clothes shopping. I would have to say YES to getting in a hot tub in front of people. I would have to say Yes to life more often where as before I always said no because I couldn’t do things or I was to embarrassed to do things.
When I was fat, I didn’t have to worry about the positive attention. I was afraid that I would start to get positive attention from the opposite sex. Sure, it is nice when people think you look good and all, but I love my wife. The only positive attention that I got from the opposite sex was when I was not living in a way that I felt good about. I was afraid of that new angle on things. Also, not just from the opposite sex. I was afraid a little about being more of the center of attention and not so invisible. I was comfortable with being invisible when I was fat. It is very very sad, but people now take me more seriously as if I were more intelligent and savvy on things.
When I was fat, I didn’t have to worry about failing again. I was just fat. I felt like a failure to be sure even though I wasn’t, but I was scared to face the fact that my life had to change and I wondered if I could do it and then keep it off. Just staying fat was easier because I already knew how to live in that state. Getting skinny meant I had to tackle the demons that tend to bring the weight back on. That means I had to get real with myself and make REAL changes and not just to my diet and exercise.
When I was fat, I knew that the people who liked me liked me for the right reasons. If I was to lose weight, I figured I would start to experience a shift in the way people acted towards me. It happened too. People who did not like me before like me more now. This sucks but it does open your eyes to people’s motives.
This was a fun post to write. I really enjoyed it. Are you scared to be thin and reach your goals? If so, why are you scared? Do you relate to what I have written about my own fears?
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There is also the fear of no one believing you any more. When you used to say you can’t and now you can, when you really DO mean you can’t (for some other reason than being fat), they may not take you seriously. Sometimes we used the Fat excuse in the place of the real reason and once it is gone, we either pony up or actually admit what the real reason was all along.
Ironically, I just remembered something else about my past. When I was a little kid, I used to have asthma attacks. At the age of 5, I would have one with every weather front that came through. By my teenage years, it was not so common, but I often used it as an excuse to get out of other activities… mostly in P.E. I’ve completely outgrown the asthma now and actually have fears of it returning now that I’m doing serious workouts and running. Funny how I had not thought of that til now. Thanks Jason!
this is a everlasting fear. it wont end. we cant fight it. all we can do is maintain it. maintaining your life style is the only way to fight it
WOW…I feel like you just reached down into my guts and pulled out why I have failed at lossing wt all these yrs frankly, Have been beratted by my children “mom , why aren’t you trying anymore? Your health is getting bad and you keep going like you are and we are going to loose you”…That coming from your boys is hard to take … but the alternitive is…and I would never admit this to them; So much more would be expected of me. That feels terrible to admit but If i am being truthfull with myself…THAT’S FRIGGIN’IT!! I have used the excuse of “I can’t because of my asthma or my high blood pressure , which if I lost wt would both be close to ,if not completly normal. I take so many b/p it’s crazy!!
The real deep issue is MEN…I avoid them and I am discovering that if I get thin I won’t have that excuse any longer. I am not the type to brag … but if you knew me, you would understand, I am an attractive big woman. great hair, eyes, FACE…but the rest of me is huge…it turns men off. and I feel safe hiding behind the fat I feel no one will expect me to meet thier goals of a partener so I am safe in my blubber. There is Part of me that would like to have a mate in life, but I am so bull-heded and set in my ways ,that that would require changing… therein lies my problem …I fear change.
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